Ten Magical Phrases
1. “I need your help.”
Why it works:
Children, even at a very young age, crave a sense of purpose. When you frame a request as seeking their help rather than giving them an order, they feel like an active contributor rather than a passive follower.
How to use it:
Instead of “Pick up your toys,” try: “I need your help putting the blocks in the basket so our room is ready for the next game.”
Extra tip: Be genuine — kids can sense fake requests for help. Even small tasks can be framed as real contributions.
2. “You get to choose…”
Why it works:
Many kids resist instructions because they want independence. Offering limited, safe choices keeps you in control while giving them decision-making power.
How to use it:
“Do you want to wear your blue sweater or your red one?”
“Do you want to brush teeth before or after putting on pajamas?”
Extra tip: Only offer choices you’re okay with. Don’t say “Do you want to go to school?” if not going is not an option.
3. “I see you worked hard on that.”
Why it works:
Kids thrive on recognition, but specific praise is more effective than general praise. By pointing out effort rather than just results, you encourage persistence and a growth mindset.
How to use it:
“I see you worked hard stacking those blocks so tall.”
“I noticed you spent a lot of time coloring carefully.”
Extra tip: Avoid vague praise like “Good job” — it fades quickly in impact.
4. “First we ____, then we ____.”
Why it works:
Young children, and even older kids, respond well to clear structure. This phrasing sets up an easy-to-follow order of events, making transitions smoother.
How to use it:
“First we tidy up the playroom, then we’ll watch a cartoon.”
“First we finish homework, then we can play outside.”
Extra tip: Stick to the sequence you promised — breaking it reduces trust.
5. “Let’s try it together.”
Why it works:
Kids can feel overwhelmed by big tasks. Offering to join them makes the request less intimidating and turns it into bonding time.
How to use it:
“Let’s try tying your shoes together.”
“Let’s fold the clothes together — you do the small ones, I’ll do the big ones.”
Extra tip: Gradually reduce your involvement so they learn independence.
6. “What’s your idea?”
Why it works:
This phrase invites creativity and problem-solving, making children feel respected. When they help design solutions, they’re more likely to follow through.
How to use it:
“We need to get to the car quickly. What’s your idea for making it fun?”
“We need to clean up. How do you think we should start?”
Extra tip: Even if their idea isn’t perfect, include some part of it in your plan.
7. “Thank you for…”
Why it works:
Gratitude is a powerful motivator. Thanking kids for good behavior acknowledges them and reinforces the positive action.
How to use it:
“Thank you for putting your shoes away.”
“Thank you for speaking kindly to your sister.”
Extra tip: Be specific about what you’re thanking them for so they know what to repeat.
8. “I understand you feel…”
Why it works:
When kids feel heard and validated, they’re more open to listening. This phrase helps them name emotions and feel less defensive.
How to use it:
“I understand you feel upset that playtime is over.”
“I understand you feel nervous about trying something new.”
Extra tip: Follow up with a boundary or solution: “I understand you feel upset… and it’s still time for bed.”
9. “When you’re ready, we can…”
Why it works:
This reduces power struggles by giving kids time to self-regulate while keeping the goal in sight. It works well when they’re resisting due to mood or overwhelm.
How to use it:
“When you’re ready, we can start your homework.”
“When you’re ready, we can go brush teeth.”
Extra tip: Use a calm tone and stay nearby — too much waiting can lead to delays if there’s no gentle follow-up.
10. “I believe in you.”
Why it works:
Confidence from a trusted adult can be a huge motivator for children. It encourages them to take risks and try new things.
How to use it:
“I believe in you — you can finish this puzzle.”
“I believe in you — you can speak up in class.”
Extra tip: Pair it with encouragement, not pressure. Belief works best when it feels supportive, not demanding.